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Coping with Grief & Loss:
A guide to healing
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The loss of a loved one can be a profoundly
painful experience. Your grief may permeate everything,
making it hard to eat, sleep, or muster much
interest in the life going on around you. You
may also find yourself struggling with a maelstrom
of feelings — sorrow, numbness, anger,
guilt, despair, irritability, relief, or anxiety.
While no words can erase grief, this report
can help you navigate these turbulent waters.
In its pages, you’ll find advice on easing
your pain, comforting yourself, and commemorating
your loved one. You’ll also find special
sections on coping with loss of a child, parent,
or spouse. It also includes information on coping
when a loved one is terminally ill, end-of-life
planning, and making funeral arrangements.
Prepared by the editors of Harvard Health Publications
in consultation with Michael Hirsch, M.D., Director
of Psychopharmacology at Beth Israel Deaconess
Medical Center and Instructor in Psychiatry at
Harvard Medical School, and Kathy Clair-Hayes,
M.S.W., L.I.C.S.W., Clinical Social Worker at Massachusetts
General Hospital. 40 pages. (updated: 2007)
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- What is grief?
- Grief’s
effects on mind and body
- How long does
grief last?
- Are there stages
of grief?
- How other losses
shape grief
- Denial, anger,
and guilt: The difficult emotions
of grief
- Comforting yourself
- Tend to the essentials
- Turn to family
and friends
- Commemorate your
loved one
- Consider your
culture and preferences
- Check out books
and CDs
- Keep a journal
- Try some stress-relief
techniques
- Join a grief
support group
- Seeking additional
help
- Comforting others:
Suggestions for friends and family members
- Different faces of
grief
- Grief in the
later years
- Grief in men
- Grief in women
- Grief in children
- Losing a child
- Losing a parent
- Losing a spouse
or life partner
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- When someone you
love is terminally ill
- Anticipatory
grief
- Talking about
death
- End-of-life planning:
Addressing practical matters
- Making arrangements
- Planning for
a funeral or memorial service
- Gathering essential
records
- Contacting the
appropriate agencies
- Renewal
- Glossary
- Resources
- Organizations
- Books and more
for children
- Books and more
for adults
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Here's an Excerpt from this Grief Recovery
Special Health Report
Sooner or later, all of us will grieve the loss
of loved ones, whether the agent is a sudden
heart attack, a car accident, or the stresses
of disease or age. Every year, almost 2.4 million
men, women, and children die in the United States,
leaving behind many others who mourn them.
If you’ve experienced the death of someone
very close to you, you know how painful and prolonged
grief can be. It’s common to feel overwhelmed
at first by its depth and intensity. Immediately
after a death, you may be plunged into funeral
preparations and logistics before you even have
time to register the loss and what it means to
you. Later, you may have little energy for even
simple tasks like getting out of bed, eating
a meal, or leaving the house. You might feel
numb, anxious, or full of despair. Warring emotions—sadness
and relief, longing and acceptance, hostility
and guilt—may catch you off guard. All
of this is normal.
Yet there are ways to cope with grief. This
special health report is intended to help you
do so. These pages contain practical ideas for
you to try, based on current research and with
an eye to common sense. As you read, you’ll
also learn that certain axioms about grief are
backed by little or no actual evidence. Contrary
to what you may have heard, for example, denial
has a useful side. Anger isn’t always part
of grieving. And no single pathway leads out
of grief or ensures closure.
Accepting that there is no “right” way
to grieve can be a powerful first step. Doing
so gives you permission to grieve at your own
pace and in your own way. Whatever form your
grief takes, try to be gentle with yourself.
Amid loss and pain lie opportunities for growth
and hope. You may establish a deeper connection
to faith and spirituality or to friends and loved
ones. Your own loss can make you more empathetic
to others struggling with illness or grief. And
sometimes grief reminds us to savor the pleasures
of life.
No words, written or spoken, are powerful enough
to erase grief. But perhaps the advice in these
pages can help ease your pain. It may also help
to know that most people are truly resilient.
Often, the embrace of loved ones, friends, and
surrounding community soften sorrow. Over time,
healing occurs.
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