Navigating middle school is tough: How parents can help

This article was adapted from a blog post written by Claire McCarthy, MD. Reviewed by Mallika Marshall, MD.

Middle school can be challenging for many students. It’s tougher academically than elementary school, with more work and higher expectations. Even just switching classrooms each period — which for most students starts in middle school — can be stressful. It can be challenging socially, as students try to find friends and community amidst what can be very tough peer pressure. It’s also when some students start to experiment with sexuality and substance use, which can be overwhelming even when glimpsed secondhand through the experiences of friends.

So, what can parents or caregivers do? Here are some suggestions for helping your middle schooler navigate these new waters.

Support schoolwork and socializing

Help them stay organized and on task. Keeping assignments and tests straight with multiple classes is an adjustment. Encourage your child to use a daily or weekly planner (paper, online, or even with a dry erase board at home). Help them work out a schedule that allows them to get their homework done while also still having time for exercise and other activities. Fight the urge to micromanage; the idea is to help your child develop skills and that often involves making some mistakes.

Be mindful of the effects of screen time and social media. Screen time has a way of eating into things like homework, sleep, and other important uses of time. And social media can not only be distracting but a source of anxiety for middle schoolers. Everything and everyone can look perfect on social media, even when they’re not. It’s easy for kids to develop “FOMO” (fear of missing out) or feel neglected and lonely. Have ground rules around device use, such as no scrolling during meals or homework, and charging the phone outside of the bedroom at bedtime.

Get to know their teachers and school culture. Go to the back-to-school night. Sign up for any conferences or other resources offered to parents. Join the PTO or look for chances to volunteer, to the extent that you can. It can give you useful context, an insight into your child’s world outside your home, and connect you with other parents.

Support healthy habits

Keep healthy habits in mind. A healthy diet, regular exercise, and getting a good night’s sleep are crucial. If life is particularly busy, think about making healthy snacks, lunches, or dinners ahead of time on the weekend. Exercise can be as simple as a walk — maybe even to school or with the dog.

Encourage your child to get involved but not overscheduled. Joining a club, sport, or other school-sponsored activity is a great way to make friends and grow as a person. At the same time, all of us need time to unwind. Make sure that downtime gets scheduled along with any extracurricular activities. Some of that downtime should be fun family time, like a game or movie night, going out for ice cream, or whatever your child enjoys.

Strengthen bonds

Keep the lines of communication open. It’s always a good idea to listen more than you talk, and this is particularly true in middle school. Eat meals as a family and make sure to carve out time to just be together. Ask open-ended questions. Make it clear that you won’t judge. Be supportive and positive. And if your middle-schooler is exhibiting strong feelings, validate them. This helps your child feel heard.

Remember, the point isn’t to give advice but to help them feel comfortable talking to you, something that won’t last if you’re constantly giving your opinion and showing judgement. Sometimes it’s easier to talk when it’s less intense, like while watching a movie or sitting in the car. Media can offer a useful way to start conversations about tricky topics like relationships. If something comes up on social media that people are talking about, approach it with curiosity and use it as a low-pressure opening to talk.

Keep your expectations reasonable and fair. Your child does not need to get straight A’s in middle school to get into a good college. Nor do they need to be the lead in the school play or the best on their sports team. Have some ground rules about homework, healthy habits, and follow-through on commitments (and agreed-upon chores), but keep the emphasis on quality of life rather than achievement. This is the time for them to find their own way; let them do that.

Ask for help if you need it. If your child is struggling in some way, ask a teacher, guidance counselor, a friend, family member, or your pediatrician for help. Adolescence is tough for both the child and the parent, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.