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Older men: Rethinking a healthy sex life

October 14, 2016

About the Author

photo of Matthew Solan

Matthew Solan, Executive Editor, Harvard Men's Health Watch

Matthew Solan is the executive editor of Harvard Men’s Health Watch. He previously served as executive editor for UCLA Health’s Healthy Years and as a contributor to Duke Medicine’s Health News and Weill Cornell Medical College’s … See Full Bio
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November 14, 2016

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Al. Gomes
October 25, 2016

I am a 70 year old male who has been on statins for approximately 20 years. My libido kept dropping and my testosterone level is approx. 229. I wonder if there is any research on the relationship between statin drugs and testosterone and decreased libido? Anyone out there having info. on this area, please post a comments. .

Howard Wetzell
October 25, 2016

I recently lost my wife after a long illness. I am looking forward to meeting a grieving widow to share life with. I realise that my wife can not be replaced with a new love but a mutual friendship would be rewarding.

Jack Daily
October 24, 2016

I am a 71 year old male in good health.I have such a need for sex however my 69 year old wife wants nothing to do with it.
I am seriously thinking of using “escorts” to satisfy me needs.Am I wrong ?

Shaquille Johnson
October 24, 2016


October 24, 2016

Hi, Jack ~ About using an escort … there are a few different scenarios to consider. (1) Fine, if your wife IS fine with it but if she is fine with it, she no longer feels an emotional attachment to you so it won’t matter, just as long as you still take out the garbage, and use the cheap hookers so the cost doesn’t impact her financially. (2) If she ISN’T fine with it, she does still feel an emotional attachment so the thought of you being intimate with someone else would hurt her. (3) Also, women AND men are very territorial about their mates. So ask yourself – if the circumstances were reversed , would YOU be OK with it? I’d bet not. (4) If you already know she wouldn’t be fine with it and you decide to pursue it anyway, then you are betraying her, and paying a hooker to be no more than a semen receptacle, which makes you a dirt bag.

This subject hits home with me because in my case, the circumstances are reversed. I’m 59, he’s only 53, and he can’t sustain an erection, causing much frustration for both of us. When we first got together 3 years ago, we had both been celibate for over 2 years. We were pretty hot for each other so decided to make up for lost time. We were very active ONLY because I WAS THE ONE who would initiate it, and he was good to go then. But he has a lot of pain from old injuries and it was difficult for him physically but he wanted to please me so sucked it up. Eventually the truth came out because it became too much for him. But honestly, even when we were being active, he wasn’t good at it. I shined it because I liked him so much as a boyfriend and admired many things about him as a man, so decided it wasn’t a deal breaker But I’ll be honest. I am a very horny woman and I really miss having GOOD sex! It actually did enter my mind to use an “escort.” But I know it would NOT be the right thing to do, nor a good idea and would only turn out very badly. So I decided against that. So I still maintain a regular relationship with BOB – battery-operated-boyfriend, and on occasion, SAM – shower and massager! I still fondle and grope my man, and we kiss, hug, hold hands, and enjoy each others company a lot. But he is just not sexual. Doesn’t react to seeing me naked and never tries to cop a feel. Once when we tried to have sex but it didn’t go well, I got very upset, and I even accused him of being gay! Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but as a woman who has always been very desirable to men, this is a hard one to take! My past relationships were primarily based on the hot sex, but we were not compatible in the core fundamentals so they didn’t last. Now I’m with a guy with whom I am very compatible in the core fundamentals but forget about the hot sex! Know what, Jack? Ever heard the saying “We can’t have it all”? Well, that’s what I tell myself quite often these days, and you may have to resign yourself to that, as well! That is, if you really love your wife. Otherwise, you’re being a selfish prick and going down a very bad road!

Lee Schelin
October 24, 2016

I’ve found that after taking a Statin for 6-8 months eight years ago my libido started vanishing and now it’s almost at Zero. My testosterone went from 500+ to its present state of 235.

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