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DNA testing forever changed donor conception

July 23, 2019


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Ellie Meg
July 30, 2019

I’m a donor conceived adult who was created around 1980. I’ve always wondered how a doctor, who took an oath to do no harm, who would have had access to information about it being harmful to keep secrets from adoptees about their origins, who, in creating half-adoptees should have been keeping up with best practices, could have told my parents that they should hide my conception from me? Why? Was it a matter of profit over mental health? Did they truly believe that it less toxic for a family to pretend that they hadn’t used the sperm of another man and live with the burden of that secret than to grieve the loss of a bio child and have empathy to help the child grieve the loss of a parental relationship with a bio parent?

August 5, 2019

Thank you so much for writing. I agree that it is baffling that donor conception was conducted with such secrecy and with little understanding or regard for the feelings of the offspring. I think that things are changing but the change is slow and even today I have had people say to me, “Does the chlld really need to know?” It is sad for the children and sad for the parents who bear such an unnecessary burden of shame. Thanks so much, once again, for writing.

July 29, 2019

I’ve devoted the better half of my adult life to helping adopted people and those whose parents were donors who are black market adopted, figure out who they really are, who their families are and helping them make contact, all for free. They are horribly mistreated by the law. I feel deeply for their loss and find the treatment of these individuals whose parents abandonend them to be cruel and objectifying.

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