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The better way to discipline children
- By Claire McCarthy, MD, Senior Faculty Editor, Harvard Health Publishing
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What about lying
I am a single parent i triend to embrace positive discipline with my teen son , but he is persistently lying
I am frustrated and cant trust him a single more time
Thanks for the article, you write: “Children who are spanked have a higher risk of aggressive behavior ” But I need to ask, is there something wrong with aggressive behavior? I would argue there isn’t. In fact, its part of our human nature and part of what keeps us alive. Not knowing how to control aggression or when to use aggression over other means, could be a problem, but spanking a child and “uncontrolled” aggression do not go hand in hand. I also fear the path we are one with the attempt to raise our kids without any type of aggressive punishment. What kind of society will we become if we lose that innate quality inside us that has protected us through out history and still protects us to this day in warfare against much less civilized countries?
I guess what I’m saying is, it’s ok to teach your kid through talks, expectations and examples, but if he or she decides to continue his behavior despite that, a good butt whipping should not be counted out. Also teach your children to fight back when appropriate. Again, the key is to teach WHEN to use aggression and when not to. Don’t fight nature.
“I need to ask, is there something wrong with aggressive behavior? I would argue there isn’t.”
The article explicitly stated that spanking carries a higher risk of mental health problems, intimate partner violence, and substance abuse. The linked policy statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics also provided published evidence supporting this, as well as risk factors for cognition problems, suicide attempts and moderate to heavy drinking.
I think the behavior we’re all looking for is ASSERTIVENESS, not necessarily aggression. Perhaps there’s a time and a place for self-defense, but you can’t just invoke “human nature”, a nebulous concept, to defend aggressive behavior. (We have many “innate” behaviors as part of our “nature”, some are better than others).
Self-defense is good, but if teaching aggressiveness thru physical punishment carries all of the above documented risks to children, how could that be considered protective? Where’s the evidence for it (aside from the anecdotal)?
Xperhaps we would become less violent and more civilzed if we treated our children with calm words describing the way we want them to behave and the reasons why non-violence is a preferred reaction.
See http://www.nospank.net. It should be against the law for adults to hit small children.
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