For Parents & Caregivers > Mental Wellness Basics

Seeking Help

Are you worried about suicide?

Don’t be afraid to ask your child directly if they are thinking about suicide, and if they have the means to do it and a plan to follow through. Not sure how to start that conversation? Watch this Opens in a new tabvideo from and/or read this Opens in a new tabhandout from The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds .

Suicidality should always be taken seriously. If your child has the intention, plans, or means to hurt themselves, call 911 or take them to the emergency department.

As many parents and caregivers know, it’s not unusual for a teen to be moody at times. But you may wonder if they are experiencing a normal period of transition, or if you should seek help for a possible mental health condition. The information below can help you decide.

Reasons you might ask for help for a young person

  • unusual moodiness, isolating more than usual, or losing interest in activities
  • behavioral changes including impulsivity, getting upset quickly, or engaging in risky or self-harming behavior
  • changes at school such as dropping grades, having difficulty concentrating, or interacting less with peers
  • sleep or energy problems such as low or very high energy, or sleeping much more or much less than usual
  • hearing things others cannot hear, or saying that someone is trying to control their mind
  • excessive dieting, change in eating habits, or concern with weight
  • signs that they are thinking about harming themselves or others such as withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, making a will, or taking dangerous risks like driving extremely fast.

To learn more about warning signs of a mental health condition, read this Opens in a new tabinformation from the National Institute of Mental Health or watch this Opens in a new tabvideo from NAMI  .

Where to find help for a young person

Pediatrician or primary care clinician
Mental health practitioner
Child's school
“Anyone can develop a mental health disorder no matter how wonderful the young person’s life may appear. It is not your fault, nor is it a failing of the young person.”

— submitted by a Parent

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Photo of a mother talking to her daughter about mental health help

Approaching a young person about getting mental health help

Once you’ve decided your teen might benefit from professional help, it may feel daunting to approach them about it. When you first bring up therapy or getting help, don’t be surprised if the response isn’t an immediate “yes.” Many teens push back, seem unsure, or say no at first. Simply raising the subject shows that you’re willing to talk about it and opens the door for an ongoing conversation. Here are some tips for starting, continuing, and following up on discussions about the possibility of therapy:

Initiating a conversation about mental health support

  • Pick a time to speak privately when things are relatively calm, such as over the weekend. Don’t bring up professional help during an argument or conflict, because the teen might interpret the suggestion as criticism or punishment. Avoid late at night, which can leave a young person with anxious thoughts before sleep.
  • Rather than sit the teen down for what could feel like a formal talk or intervention, have a conversation while you’re doing something low-key like grabbing a meal or taking a walk or a drive (for more, see Opening lines of communication).
  • Consider starting with an open-ended question about something the young person is interested in that might get them talking. For example, “What did you think of the game last night?” or “What was that new type of water bottle you were telling me everyone has?”

Once you’re talking, you can gradually move toward how they’ve been feeling and offering support.

Your child is not alone in getting support for their mental health.

According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), almost one in three adolescents in the U.S. received mental health treatment in 2023. Most commonly, these adolescents saw an outpatient therapist or a counselor at school.

Bringing up therapy, counseling, or other professional help

  • Let your teen know you’re aware they’re struggling without making them feel like they are the problem. Express your concern using an “I” statement such as “I’ve noticed that you’ve seem down a lot lately” or “I’ve seen that tests and big assignments tend to cause a lot of stress for you.” If this feels like it might overwhelm your teen, you might start by acknowledging your own feelings and vulnerability first, as a model. For example, “I’ve been feeling pretty stressed at work lately and it’s making me anxious.”
  • If your teen volunteers distressing feelings, show you’re open and willing to hear them through active listening and validation instead of minimizing (“that’s not a big deal…”) or (unintentionally) dismissing what they share.
  • Broach the topic of professional help gently. Rather than “You need therapy” or “You need help” try “I wanted to talk to you about seeing an expert to help you figure out some coping skills” or “I’m hoping we can explore the idea of therapy for you to learn strategies for dealing with your worries so they don’t feel overwhelming.” If you see a therapist yourself, you might lead with how that support has been helpful for you. For example, “I was feeling really stressed at work, and my therapist has helped me figure out some mindfulness practices to use when I get overwhelmed.”
  • Make clear that therapy or other professional help is not about “fixing” someone but about learning new skills, the same way a coach helps an athlete improve their game or a tutor helps a student understand tough math problems. A therapist or counselor is there to care for a mental health concern the same way their primary doctor is there to care for a sprained ankle or the flu. 
  • Reassure your teen that you believe therapy is a safe, confidential place to talk about feelings and work toward goals.

Following up about mental health support

  • Set a time to revisit the conversation about seeking mental health support after your teen considers the idea. You might say, “I know this is a sensitive subject, and I don’t want to make you decide right now. Why don’t you think about it, and we check in again in a few days?” or “I understand if you are feeling talked out about this right now. I bring it up because I care about you. Would you be open to looking up some information about potential therapists together in a few days?”
  • Give them space before gently approaching the idea again. 
  • Continue to check in on how your teen is feeling, what’s going on at school, and what’s happening with their friends. Starting a general conversation about feelings may open the door to a further discussion about mental health support.
  • Remind your teen that they don’t have to decide immediately about seeking help, but you’re open to talking about it when they’re ready.

For more, read Opens in a new tabHow to Talk to Kids About Starting Therapy from Child Mind Institute.

Photo of a boy sitting at a table thinking

What if my teen resists getting professional help?

Some young people might readily accept the idea of professional help. They may even approach you about it. Others might initially get defensive or resist the idea. Here are some possible reasons why:

  • Fear: The young person may not be ready to admit they’re struggling or face what’s going on. They might not understand what therapy is or may feel overwhelmed by the idea of it.
  • Embarrassment: They may feel put on the spot or that you’ve been watching or judging them, or might believe there is stigma around getting professional help for a mental health concern.
  • Lack of awareness: Your teen might not realize how their behavior or mood has shifted or understand why that’s concerning.
  • A sense of hopelessness: They may think there’s no way they could ever feel better.
  • The mental health concern itself: Conditions such as anxiety or depression can cloud a person’s ability to see a situation clearly or can impact their willingness to accept help.

If your teen raises objections, try to get curious instead of defensive. Consider where a young person’s resistance stems from. If you aren’t sure, you can ask them why they’re opposed to the idea of professional help. This can set the stage for an open dialogue. You might model vulnerability by discussing your own feelings and experiences. For example, “I really didn’t think therapy would help me at first, either, but I am surprised how much it has.”

Staying neutral and interested rather than jumping in to persuade (using active listening and validation) helps the conversation stay constructive and makes it more likely your teen will share what’s really going on for them. The willingness to listen and be curious (“Tell me more …”) shows your teen that you are on the same side. Rather than trying to convince a teen that they have a problem or that you’re “right,” focus on working together to help them feel better, which may include getting support from someone with expertise you don’t have. 

Here are some specific responses you might hear when you approach a young person about seeking professional help, and ways you can address them:

This kind of answer could simply be a typical teen response of reacting emotionally before thinking logically (a reaction that is biologically sound — see Your Brain is Changing: Here’s What’s Happening). They may just need some time to sit with the idea of professional help. If they continue to brush off your suggestion, point out specific behaviors or emotions that concern you and how you see those behaviors affecting them and others. You might suggest going to therapy together if communication is an issue, or suggest family therapy if the teen feels singled out.

While some young people may be diagnosed with a mental health disorder, others may just need encouragement and coping skills. For example, feeling anxious about schoolwork does not necessarily mean a person has an anxiety disorder. But even if a young person is diagnosed with a mental health disorder, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. It’s a way to explain what’s happening in their brain and body so a provider can treat the symptoms and help them feel better.

Give the young person autonomy by asking what their goals for therapy would be. Examples might be “I want to make more friends” or “I don’t want to feel sad all the time” or even “I want you to stop nagging me.” A mental health provider is someone they can talk to and work with to achieve their goals.

Therapy is a confidential, safe space for a young person to privately share their concerns, feelings, and experiences. A mental health provider will only break confidentiality about what a teen shares if they feel your child is in danger of harming themselves or others. For more, see HIPAA and Privacy for Minors.

Getting professional help for a mental health concern does not necessarily mean a young person will be diagnosed with a mental health disorder or that medication will be recommended as part of the treatment plan. For many people, treatment plans include talk therapy and coping skills or self-care tools. If a provider does recommend medication, they will need to discuss the risks and benefits, potential side effects and adverse effects, and alternative treatments with both you and your child so that you all can make an informed decision together.

Ask the teen why they don’t think seeing a mental health provider will help. Listen carefully rather than trying to counter them. Strategize together about what could help, whether that’s trying a therapist just once, interviewing a few different therapists, or exploring other approaches. Let them know that it sometimes takes time to determine if a therapist is a good fit (for more, see What if my child doesn’t like the provider?). If appropriate and without breaking confidences, share how therapy has been helpful for you, someone you know, or even a celebrity, athlete, or high-profile person who you’ve seen post on social media about mental health struggles.

If your child has previously taken a medication for a mental health disorder and didn’t respond well to it, remind them that there are many medication options — perhaps some new ones since they last tried — and that a provider will work with them to determine the best fit. Reassure them, too, that taking medication does not mean there’s something wrong with them. Medication is one tool to help reduce symptoms of something happening in their brain that is outside of their control.

Getting professional help can feel overwhelming on top of managing school, work, or other extracurriculars. Explore options that best meet your child’s schedule, whether that’s telehealth or in-person appointments that are close to school or home. Offer to drive them to appointments or help in other ways that will allow them to prioritize therapy.

Watch this video:

Opens in a new tabYou Got This: A Recap of Our May Mental Health Awareness Campaign from Child Mind Institute, offering support and guidance for young people struggling with mental health challenges from celebrities, influencers, pro athletes, and teens who've all experienced their own hardships.

If a young person continues to refuse help: Next steps

It can be difficult and frustrating to watch someone struggle when professional help is available. Even if your teen shuts you down or continues to resist, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or shouldn’t have brought it up.  Here are some other options for supporting them: 

  • Ask for suggestions from your child’s primary care physician, other health care provider, or other trusted adults in their life such as coaches and teachers.
  • Seek mental health support on your own for guidance. This also models for your teen that taking care of mental wellness is a priority. If your mental health provider thinks it’s appropriate, you might invite your teen to join a session, either to share their perspective or simply to listen, with no pressure to speak.
  • Ensure the young person is aware of Crisis & Helpline Resources and remind them that they can reach out to other trusted adults at school or in your community.
  • Encourage the young person to take care of their mental wellness in other ways, such as practicing self-care, catching adequate sleep, and getting physical activity. (For other ideas, see Ways to support mental wellness.)
  • Leave the door open. It may take some time for a teen to warm up to the idea of professional help. Continue talking with them about what’s going on in their life, so they’ll feel comfortable coming to you for help when they’re ready.
Photo of a therapist listening to a teen

What to do in a mental health crisis

Learning about the skills of validation, co-regulation, and de-escalation can help you to calm and manage situations when young people become very emotional or heated. These skills can often keep a challenging situation from intensifying into a mental health crisis.

However, there are situations, often emergencies, in which a young person’s behavior may become so intense that caregivers find themselves in need of assistance. A mental health crisis is when a young person’s emotions and behaviors are extreme or out of control, or if they are at risk of hurting themselves or others. Here are ways to find outside, professional help:

If your child is in emotional distress, one option is to call or text the nationwide 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for advice or chat at 988lifeline.org.

Depending on where you live, a Lifeline crisis counselor may be able to connect you with a local crisis support team for help. (Be aware that they may refer you to 911 if there is no local crisis support team.)

  • Voice, text, and chat options are available in English and Spanish. To connect with a Spanish-speaking crisis counselor:
  • People who are deaf, hard of hearing, or have hearing loss can choose to:
    • use their preferred relay service or dial 711, then 988
    • Call, text, or chat on 988 through their Deaf, Hard of Hearing, or Hearing Loss page (see Opens in a new tablink)
    • text 988
    • chat on 988lifeline.org
  • Veterans can choose to:

If the young person is willing to go and it is safe for you to do so, take them to the emergency department (ED). In addition to accompanying them for support, be prepared to supply information such as:

  • health insurance
  • age and diagnosis if they have one
  • names and numbers of pediatrician or mental health provider
  • medications, doses, and allergies

It helps to have this information ready before a crisis hits. Store it on your phone, in your purse or wallet, or in a kitchen drawer.

Opens in new tab Download a template for a crisis plan from NAMI

Building your validation and de-escalation skills are your best preventive strategy to reduce the risk of a mental health crisis that may require calling 911. Reaching out to 911 is never an easy decision. Some people see the police as helpful and may count on them to provide assistance during a crisis. Others may see the police as intimidating and unskilled in managing a mental health crisis, and therefore likely to cause additional harm. However, if a young person’s behavior seems unsafe to themselves or others and beyond your ability to manage, calling 911 may be the right option. Here are some tips:

  • Tell the dispatcher that your child is having a mental health crisis. Explain the child’s mental health history and/or diagnosis.
  • Ask if your community has a crisis intervention team (CIT) officer or a children’s crisis team.
  • Ask for sirens to be off if that would be helpful for your teen.
  • When police arrive, remain calm, say, “This is a mental health crisis,” and provide as much helpful information as you can. You can then continue to support your child while police intervene, making sure to give them space to work with your child.

Seeking help for yourself: Prioritize your mental wellness

Paying attention to your own mental wellness matters, especially if you are caring for a young person struggling with mental health challenges. There are many ways to cope and engage in self-care, from seeking professional support yourself to finding space for much needed moments of calm and joy. Making time to fill your own cup allows you to better handle the challenges of caregiving. Watch Opens in a new tabCaregiver to Caregiver: Mental Health Tips from NAMI .

Learn tools and ways to care for yourself
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Mental Wellness Basics

Learn what mental wellness is, why it’s important, and how to get help for yourself or your child.

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